'I'm smiling in this picture on my first MothersDay, but it's a lie. I was having serious bonding issues with my baby and didn't feel like I deserved to be celebrated.'
, depleted from adjusting to being a new mom and dejected because I was having serious bonding issues with my baby. Mother’s Day is supposed to be filled with joy, but I felt none of that—and that just depressed me even more. I was starting to seriously wonder if something was wrong with me because all of my mom friends were in new-mom heaven, and I wasn’t at all.than I was willing admit to myself back then.
I was induced because of low fluid, then went through hours of labour, hours of pushing, the baby’s heart rate dropping, fourth degree tears—the result of her being turned with, and then delivered by forceps. Finally, my daughter was born, but she had inhaled meconium and needed her lungs cleared, plus she couldn’t regulate her body temperature. The problems just didn’t end. Then, an hour after my husband went home, while I was in incredible pain from the hectic delivery, the colic started.
It did feel good that day to get dressed and put on a dab of makeup and look like my old self. But it was hard to put on a happy face and try to hold it together in a house filled with people asking me how I was adjusting. What I needed most my first Mother’s Day was for someone to hug me and to tell me that I didn’t need to smile and pretend.A year later, on my second Mother’s Day, my smiles in all of the pictures were real. I fell head over heels in love with my little girl as I settled into motherhood—and got some much-needed sleep. I finally felt like a mom and was more than happy to celebrate and be celebrated.
To the moms who about to celebrate their first Mother’s Day but are not really feeling it, I just want to say I see you. Iyou. You are not alone, even though you might feel that you are. I actually think far more of us feel that way than we realize. And, for the record, you don’t have to pretend today.
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