'I bled for days. Passed tissue with agonizing cramps. Stayed in my room. Silent.' (Share your story by emailing myabortionstorymsmagazine.com.)
Content warning: This story contains graphic descriptions of surgery, rape and sexual assaultI had friends and family members who got abortions in the 1970s and early 1980s. But it wasn’t until I learned the story of my great-aunt that I began to join local and national marches to fight for abortion rights.
No money. No friends. I told my father, a pharmacist. He was angry. “For a smart girl, you’ve been pretty stupid.” When they finished, blood was seeping down my leg. Angrily one threw me a pad which I put in my underpants, shaking so badly as I dressed, I could hardly stand. And then it became clear that Roe v. Wade was going to be overturned. I watched as women around me shared their stories and I knew that I couldn’t stay silent. I was invited to capture women sharing their stories on video at thein New York. The experience was remarkable: It was pouring rain and hundreds of women huddled under a tent to commiserate and empathize.
Circumspect and efficient, she explained the procedure and gave me instructions. She had me recline and fit into stirrups. I heard the lid of the autoclave open and close. Then she inserted a length of sterilized rubber tubing into my uterus, along with tincture of green soap. She described what she was doing as she worked. She packed in cotton to secure the tubing. Familiar cramping began immediately. She repeated instructions and what to expect.
He hurt me and humiliated me during the previous examination. I did not want him touching me again. Instead, we had connections at Yale University where my husband had taught for years. We were invited to travel to New Haven for the procedure. According to our friend who arranged it, Yale was planning to sue the federal government to legalize abortion and would use my case as evidence.
I was leaving him because he’d emptied my bank account and found my hidden cash to pay for groceries. I couldn’t live like that anymore. I couldn’t raise my girls in that environment anymore. And there was no way I could bring another child into the chaos that was our lives at that moment. Nor could I try to explain adoption to a 2-year-old and 5-year-old.
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