Dear How to Do It: I’m ready to stop telling partners about my STD because they have so much misinformation.
Dear How to Do It,
I’m a heterosexual woman in my 30s not in a long-term relationship. I’ve had three to four partners in the past year with some overlap. At my most recent Pap, I was told I was HPV-positive. I know this is exceedingly common, that there’s no test for men, and that current recommendations typically have women my age—even those with multiple partners—only being tested every five years.
I recently went out on a date with a married man. We hit it off and it seemed like sex was a date or two away. He’s looking for a longer-term girlfriend—his wife has a boyfriend, but he hasn’t found many women who would be interested in such an arrangement. I’m game! Then I told him I had HPV, and things came to a screeching halt. His wife said she didn’t feel comfortable taking a risk. This seems absurd to me since the man she’s sleeping with may well have HPV.
I suspect they just aren’t terribly well-informed, which is surprising given their lifestyle. But it got me wondering, am I obliged to tell people if I use condoms? Eighty—80!—percent of people get some form in their lifetime, yet I’m surprised by how little people know about this. I feel like I was being unfairly stigmatized by their ignorance when they may be infected as well but remain blissfully unaware.
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