And the title for Worst Roommate goes to...
, I had been nervously itching to make a few life changes, particularly after my roommate ditched me to move from NYC to Queens to marry her boyfriend. I met Angelique, an exotic, well-traveled blonde through an ad she'd placed in the New York Times advertising her apartment. Minus starting a cupcake business, I thought we'd do well together.
Angelique was a fading Heather Locklear. Though she was clearly once a looker, now her face was puffy, with slight frown lines. White-blonde hair framed her high cheekbones and too-tanned, weathered skin. She kept the lights dim. I thought at the time, it was to save money. Weekends I'd get a breather, because she'd head off to the Hamptons to work on her"art". My parents would visit me every Sunday; my mom brought roasted chicken that I would eat for dinner during the week. One weeknight my dad brought an air conditioner to my room he installed on the windowsill. Suddenly, Angelique appeared on the periphery of my room, dressed in a negligee, shamelessly stretching in front of my father , to better display her body.
The officer put his pen down, looked kindly at me and said,"Listen, I can't file a charge because of chicken." But I'd watch out for her, can't you smell the liquor on her breath? She's probably an alcoholic. Do you have family in the area?"I'd find another place to live if I were you," he told me."These situations never get better, and you seem like a sweet kid.
"Angelique, you have been behaving badly, drinking and stealing from my daughter," my dad said. As he moved the clothing out, I kept glancing at the huge, antique decorative knife on the table, wondering if she would be crazy enough, or drunk enough to make a grab for it. My intuition said she would, so I kept my body right between her and the knife, and stayed that way the entire time.
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