Sam Bankman-Fried Sobs After Accidentally Dropping Last Crypto Down Sewer Grate

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Sam Bankman-Fried Sobs After Accidentally Dropping Last Crypto Down Sewer Grate
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NASSAU, THE BAHAMAS—In the wake of the cryptocurrency exchange he founded filing for bankruptcy amid accusations of mismanaging funds, the last hopes of embattled former FTX CEO Sam Bankman-Fried were reportedly extinguished Friday when several eyewitnesses observed him sobbing after accidentally dropping his last…

Bankman-Fried was reportedly feeling depressed after a series of revelations about his handling of FTX customer investments erased its $32 billion valuation in a matter of days. As its liquidity dried up, his personal net worth of $16 billion was reduced to zero. Friends described Bankman-Fried as despondent and unsure what to do“As long as I have you, I’ll always have hope!” the 30-year-old investor was heard to say to his last remaining cryptocurrency, holding it up in delight and wonder.

“I’m on top of the world!” he was heard to exclaim to random passersby, who all smiled his way. The birds were reportedly chirping, and the sun was said to shine bright.Veterinary Nutritionist-backed food—for your dog. Just like you feel better when you eat better, your pup will enjoy a shinier coat and more energy in time.Distracted by his last cryptocurrency, which he was holding aloft to admire, Bankman-Fried reportedly failed to notice a fire hydrant on the sidewalk.

“Get back here!”, he repeatedly lunged at the rolling crypto, missing it every time, until he fell flat on his stomach in the street several feet from a sewer.Sources confirmed that the disgraced investor was then forced to watch in what felt like slow motion as his last crypto in the world teetered on the edge of the sewer grate. For a moment, it reportedly looked like it would just fall harmlessly onto the frame, but it took one last spin and plunged into the sewer.

“I’m ruined!” Bankman-Fried was heard to shout, tears in his eyes, as he crawled over to the grate. He then spent several minutes staring at the cryptocurrency, which had reportedly given him the hope and confidence that he could regain the life he had lost, as it sat in the sewer on a pile of leaves and garbage, just out of reach.In between heaving sobs, Bankman-Fried reportedly begged a pedestrian for a stick of gum.

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