Really, it's okay if someone doesn't like you.
arlier this year, my boyfriend and I moved to a waterfront lot in the middle of nowhere, Nova Scotia. At first, it seemed like an ideal snapshot of rural charm: We shared a lane with just one other family, a couple and their year-old baby. Shortly after we moved in, they gave us a welcome gift of produce they’d grown themselves.
The latter sounds harder, but really, it’s the more achievable of the two. It’s the one that gives you the greatest control.lessen likability’s hold on you, it first helps to understand exactly why we find it so powerfully tantalizing in the first place. Part of the problem, says psychologist and executive coach Sharon Melnick, is that we factor it into our ever-evolving self-concept: How we’re liked is a reflection of who we are. “There’s an emotional factor to it,” she says.
For women, especially at work and especially in leadership positions, this dichotomy can be particularly fraught:has shown time and again that likability is both more highly prized in women and seen as being at odds with competence in women, creating a sort of double bind in which success both depends upon and is hindered by a woman’s ability to be liked.
Accepting that not everyone will like you every day can actually be a kind of relief. And discovering that someone dislikes you — if you let yourself sit with that information, rather than try to act on it — can be a useful prompt for introspection. Before you launch a charm offensive, ask yourself why you’re so troubled by being disliked.
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