Caroline Schrank has been helping New York families give their loved ones proper goodbyes
Schrank represents the hundreds of funeral directors across the country who have stepped up in unprecedented circumstances to help families honor their loved ones.
In the midst of a quarantine, some funerals continue to take place. And Schrank has had to eschew tradition for creativity. She has assembled a team to pick up the dead, deliver them for burial prep or cremation, and to hold services in the only ways possible. She recently created a Zoom funeral for a family from Barbados who gathered in their dress clothes for a service on their computers, phones and tablets. There was a curated musical hymn list and a minister.
As friends and family shared stories and remembrances of her father, she was touched by the moving memorial ceremony and resulting closure. She recalls that he would joke that he visited McDonald’s frequently because, as he told friends, he owned stock in the company. On the buffet table at his gathering was a tray of McDonald’s food—a small but personal touch that said the small details of his life were seen, even in death.
“The idea that you can be two things at once is very prevalent in funerals. You can be happy and sad at once. But I think the funeral home industry has infused this sense of sadness,” Schrank says. “I feel like there is so much onus on the griever. By having something more casual, it makes it easier. The task of receiving people is hard when you are grieving. The funeral industry has been so one size fits all. And I think that’s not the way it has to be.
Perez made her young charge strong coffee and stayed up with her as she did her homework. She was independent and hard-headed. She taught Cabassa to cook and was her rock. Even as Cabassa later got married and lived in Maryland, Perez was a constant, her very best friend. “My heart goes out to everyone. I’m sure I’m not the only one to go through this in New York. But there were hundreds of miles between us and not being able to be with her, to see her and say goodbye—it breaks my heart," she says. “You are already feeling that so many people are dying or hurt—and then this happens to you and you don’t know where to begin or how it ends. Everyone was falling apart. In trying to organize this, finding a funeral home was a challenge in itself.
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