'When Dr. Cullinan asked my father if there was anything he feared, I cringed. I felt deep relief when he said no, he was ready to go when his time came.' realwomenrealstories
, documenting the lived experiences of women along their health journeys. Please always consult your health care professional with personal concerns or questions.
I felt shaky, as I wasn’t ready to have an EMT make the decision not to revive my father. As my brother said, there was a huge gray area in all of this, and we wanted to make it a bit smaller. Dad said that he saw his life changing, but he still hoped to travel, attend the theater and concerts; see friends, and talk, although his vocal chords were shot from the radiation he’d had twenty years ago. He admitted he’d be happy to be alive, even if he couldn’t talk, provided my mom was alive too. I nodded, as I had heard this before.
The conversation was respectful, thoughtful, and profound. The doctor remembered that my father had once mentioned he didn’t want to be on oxygen, and inquired why. He said he didn’t want to drag around a tank. My sister told him there were now small, pocketbook-sized oxygen canisters he could wear to travel. He stated he still didn’t want to be dependent on oxygen.
Finally, it was my turn to speak. I pointed out that he’d already been resuscitated four times — although it turned out that only two were full resuscitations. Recently, when my mother found Dad unconscious and called 911, the paramedics administered medicine to increase his heart rate. This was not considered resuscitation, as his heart was still beating when the ambulance arrived: 32 beats per minute.
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