Many people assume that all mothers and fathers love their kids and try their best. But it's a myth that can be deeply harmful for the children of abusive or neglectful parents.
If you suffered abuse as a child, and you now find yourself estranged from your mother, father, or both, many will tell you that you ought to forgive and reconcile; that a failure on your part to reconnect with the people who raised you shows a flaw of character. If an abusive parent passes away, you may be expected to deliver a eulogy at the funeral and pretend the deceased was a better person than he or she was.
. Children are said to be bad, ungrateful, disrespectful, and so on, but parents are always good or at least, not bad. While mothers and fathers may have done some less than exemplary things, at a deeper level, there was always love, or so some of us suppose. Badness andare seen as incompatible characteristics: One can be bad and one can be a parent, but not both.One way to perpetuate the myth is to adopt a very low standard of good parenting.
I suspect that ideas along these lines were instrumental to the genesis of the no bad parent myth. But they cannot explain its current popularity. Very few of our contemporaries hold the view that parents are entitled to do whatever they wish to their children and, moreover, to expect gratitude in return. If this is not the explanation, however, what is?
These are not easy questions to answer, and not surprisingly, we prefer not to answer them. It is more convenient to assume, wishfully, that parents are never bad. Of course, everyone accepts the existence of selfish andpeople in general. But since parents are people, the implication is -- whether intended or not -- that those who procreate, however selfish or egotistical they may have previously been, will get transformed, magically, at least when it comes to the way they treat their children.
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