Look at that happy man jetting off into space! You could be that happy!
“DON’T FORGET THE SIDE BOTTLE OF RANCH!”is a Michigan-born chain with stores across the country, known for its variety of flavored crusts , side orders of breads that are just pizza sliced into sticks, and buttery, mathematically masterful eight-corner Detroit-style pies . Every slice is a crispy-edged corner. Every slice is perfect. After the Detroit Tigers’ opening day last year when sports still existed, we had a huge family gathering, tables covered in grease-stained Jet’s boxes.
It might be Hidden Valley mix for all I know. I don’t care. I’m from the religious upbringing of dipping pizza into ranch dressing and either you’re with me or you’re not—that’s a right bestowed upon us by the American constitution. In fuzzy-lensed memories of my youth, slightly sunburned lifeguards sit around a table with a shared plate full of ranch in the center for communal dipping. MEMORIES. Shared ranch plates, though, are a thing of the germ-ridden past.
Which is good news for the squeeze bottle. Just squeeze a puddle of ranch on the upper quadrant of your plate and replenish as needed. The little plastic side containers aren’t big enough for a family, which is any group of people over one. Leftovers? You’ve got ranch for every salad and every piece of roasted broccoli in your foreseeable future. Or, as Jet’s own Facebook pages suggest, use it as.
I was recently in Traverse City, Michigan, quarantining for two contactless weeks with my guy and one night, we ordered Jet’s. WeJet’s! When we asked the employee on the phone to leave the pizza on the porch because we were self-isolating, he replied enthusiastically in the voice of a Midwestern Lebowski, “That sounds RAD, man!” Then he said something about how he’d seen videos of people fighting over milk . “Oh, and a squeeze bottle of ranch, please!” we chimed in. Can’t forget.
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