'That very person you are pulling away from most likely feels your fear—physically feels it—and can help you feel safe again,' writes maryannkarinch
of isolation managed by a highly protective mother. The major health threat at the time was the polio epidemic, which caused public swimming pools, playgrounds, and movie theaters to close periodically in an effort to stop the spread.I thought of Howard Hughes when someone—who was wearing an authentic-looking N95 mask—tried to hug me yesterday and I backed off. I thought of Hughes again when a neighbor without a mask showed up on my doorstep and tried to give me a magazine.
We were having meals and watching movies together, and taking advantage of the fact that we were both at home during the day. “This isn’t bad . . . in fact, this is kinda good,” I concluded. When we feel threatened, we become very self-focused. The brain starts to do checks on our body parts, silently asking, “Am I okay?” That me-centered exercise can degrade the healthy connection we have with a partner or anyone else we normally feel very close to. Like Howard Hughes, we retreat.
A big thing that happens when we form a relationship with another person is that they become encoded as part of ourselves. That’s part of how the brain handles familiarity and closeness.
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