If you don't understand what you're feeling, how can you expect anyone else to?
Intimacy
is the felt sense of connection with another person. The important question is this: What does it take to experience warm, safe, and fulfilling connections in our lives? Some people are attracted to each other based upon an image that's being projected, such as being “successful,” beautiful, or interesting. But this superficialdoesn't offer the intimacy we desire. Such attractions are short-lived at best. They are destined to curdle into distance and dissatisfaction when people inevitably discover who we really are, including the secret fears, hurts, and challenges we conceal.
Rather than strive to be someone who we think people will like, we need to discover what it means to be ourselves. A path toward genuine intimacy begins by allowing ourselves to be seen as we really are. Staying connected to the energy of our own being—resting comfortably in ourselves--creates a foundation for people to come toward us.who we are. This means pausing, looking inside, and being connected to the ever-changing inner world of our feelings and preferences.
We can’t expect others to feel drawn toward us if we’re not willing to take the risk to be vulnerable and reveal the ever-changing textures of our inner world.We often run on automatic pilot—not slowing down enough to look inside and discover what we’re really feeling. As we’re getting to know someone as a potential friend or partner—or perhaps even with our partner or good friend, we might be afraid to share feelings that might be uncomfortable or threatening.
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