BATON ROUGE, LA—Announcing his controversial return to family life, local resident Uncle Greg told reporters Monday he will attempt to make his long-awaited comeback during a family barbecue in a relative's backyard next month.
Once a mainstay of holiday get-togethers, the 39-year-old uncle has long been written off by those who said he could never recover from a decade of strained relationships, social gaffes, and severed familial connections."It's official—I'm back," said Uncle Greg, outlining plans to attend his first major family function in nearly three years.
Though he wouldn't disclose his entire strategy, Greg did reveal that he plans to drink only one or two beers tops, avoid the topic of politics altogether, and smile and remain polite to Cheryl, no matter "how big of a bitch" she might be. "He's really giving it his all," said Uncle Greg's wife, Jeanie, who believes this comeback will be a success despite the failure of a similar attempt a few Thanksgivings ago. "This time he's serious. And I can tell he's trying extra hard because he asked me to buy him a new T-shirt for the occasion, and to make a pan of my chocolate-chip bread pudding so he can walk in carrying something.
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