We, for one, are definitely going to see this movie
Photo: Courtesy of A24 You may have heard about the next installment in Robert Pattinson’s very horny oeuvre: Robert Eggers’s black-and-white film The Lighthouse, in which Pattinson and Willem Dafoe play two 19th-century lighthouse keepers who become increasingly deranged and sexually frustrated in isolation, and also murder a seagull.
But you probably didn’t know, as Eggers revealed in an interview today, that the movie contains a graphic sex scene between Pattinson and a mermaid. How graphic? So much that even just reading about it is an indelible, dare I say transformative, experience. The film has its fair share of aggressively horny moments, even without the nautical fornication: Pattinson filmed several intense masturbating scenes, including one in a shed that the Daily Beast describes using the term “frenzied commitment” and Eggers characterized as “inspiring.” There was also, per Eggers, “a very juvenile shot of a lighthouse moving like an erect penis and a match-cut to an actual erect penis,” lamentably cut “for ratings.
But things truly take a concupiscent turn when Pattinson hallucinates himself engaging in coitus with a mermaid, featuring an incredibly lifelike silicon vulva that Eggers based on shark labia. While Pattinson’s character humps the mermaid, “extremely close up” scenes of this mermaid’s downstairs play on screen, in a montage with tentacles and other fish parts. Eggers describes this — please, if you are of a fragile constitution, brace yourself — as “seafood salad shots.
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