When you need to feed your family, sometimes you just can't follow all the rules.
in my hometown of Lawrence, Kansas. I grew up eating at their restaurants—and, more importantly, at their home, where they prepare the most insanely delicious meals and make it look like no effort at all. But when it comes to cooking for their family, Shelly and Steve face some challenges that many other families don't. They have two sons, Henry and Will. Will is a typically developing 13-year-old who loves to cook. But, their oldest son Henry, who's 17, has autism.
But when we tried to conform to these rules—before we found the system and specific strategies that worked for us—mealtimes were very adversarial. I’ve had to learn that the rules just don't apply to us in a lot of ways. I've simply had to let it go.
Because Henry struggles with sensory processing, we make a separate meal for him, no matter what we’re eating—that's just how it has to be. We can’t eat together because the sight and the smell of our food makes him gag and sometimes even throw up. For a while, we tried putting up blockers so he could sit at the table with us, and he’d have a plate with three tall things around him so the sight and smell of our food wouldn’t distract or disgust him.
That said, we have found ways to introduce new foods to Henry's diet. We attended an amazing 30-day eating program at the, a center that helps people with sensory processing disorder with feeding and other sensory problems. They taught us which textures Henry was averse to and how to adapt to those aversions. Henry loves crispy, crunchy, salty foods, so we've learned that manipulating the texture of foods is a big way to get him to eat new foods.
I can get Henry to eat some vegetables now, but I can’t cook them, they have to be raw, because he likes that specific crunchy texture. It was really exciting for me a couple of years ago when he started eating raw baby spinach. Again, it's all about manipulating the texture of foods: for example, Henry would never eat a whole carrot because it’s too hard to bite into and there’s too much in his mouth, but if it's cut into skinny shreds he can manage that.
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