'Every time time someone says, 'Happy Memorial Day,' I want to ask if they think I’ll be happy “observing,” or reflecting on the fact that I’ll never see my dad again.'
Growing up with a parent in the military was difficult. Long deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan kept him from home, and moving across the country every three years made for an unstable childhood, but it was exciting. I got to call places like Alabama and South Korea my home. As a kid, I latched onto anything that made me different from the rest of my friends, so I loved having a dad who served. It made every holiday, especially the patriotic ones, feel all the more special.
When I was 10 years old, I was like everyone else in that I didn’t “observe” Memorial Day. I didn’t know the real meaning of this holiday because I didn’t have to. I believed it meant block parties and barbecues. School was out, the public pools were open again and warmer weather was right around the corner. It meant my dad would be back soon from a deployment.But when I turned 11 years old, Memorial Day wasn’t just a day off from school anymore.
Observing a holiday because it actually applies to you is much different than celebrating it. My first Memorial Day without my dad was when I realized that this holiday wasn’t a celebration to mark the beginning of summer like it had been sold to me. I'm 21 now, and every time time someone says, “Happy Memorial Day,” I want to ask if they think I’ll be happy “observing,” or reflecting on the fact that I’ll never see my dad again.
To be completely frank: it sucked. I feel emotionally drained when I think about my future career and how much of my writing is focused on him. It's a lot of work, dredging this memory up just so I can remember how I felt, and then figuring out how I still feel. I'm able to reconcile that most of the time by thinking about the other young people I've met who also feel so misunderstood.
And if not for that, then at least remember the men and women who didn’t come home to those discounts.
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