Who knows? Maybe the second time’s the charm
Photo: J.V. Aranda Welcome to It’s Complicated, stories on the sometimes frustrating, sometimes confusing, always engrossing subject of modern relationships. I’d only seen him once in the six years following our college graduation, as I’d moved to New York while he hopped around Northern California, Utah, Missouri, and Michigan. The two of us had taken a perfectly friendly walk around Central Park, after which I went home and listened to Beyoncé for four hours.
I spent months drafting lengthy, apologetic emails about why we should get back together. I’m pretty sure one was in the form of a sonnet. It didn’t work. He moved to the West Coast with his new girlfriend and I gave up, mentally slapping a “One Who Got Away” sticker on his face and tucking him into a back corner of my brain.
As I told this story to literally everyone I met, I learned that it’s common for people to rekindle relationships after years apart. And often, those relationships are at a unique advantage. “You already know that you’re attracted to this person,” explains Erica Slotter, an assistant professor of psychology at Villanova University, “and are aware of their strengths and weaknesses in relationships, as well as the strengths and weaknesses they bring out in you.
What helped us early on — as in, the day after my sister’s wedding — was a candid conversation about our newfound-ish feelings. We discussed our past relationship, our respective exes, and what we wanted in the future. The biggest challenge was that we lived a few states apart. And trying to build a long-distance relationship off one good weekend seemed like another breakup waiting to happen.
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