How to stay grounded in your truth and speak from your heart when your partner won't own the hurtful things they said or did, by ncolier
Using “I” statements and leaving out “you said this” statements can help turn down the heat on the conflict.
Most of us have had this experience, and it can be difficult and painful to navigate. When your partner denies ever having done what hurt you, it can feel like a brick wall goes up in the relationship, one with no way through. The wall prevents all growth and healing because if what hurt you never happened, then the possibility of having your hurt feelings heard or acknowledged is off the table—moot.
Often, when I ask couples to describe what took place in what they claim was the “same” encounter, their stories are unrecognizable when compared. What’s clear in working as a couple’s therapist is that even though there may be one external reality, one set of words that technically were spoken—and that an audio recorder could play back—the rest of what actually happened is created in our own mind.
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