Why some people only discover deal breakers right before they're supposed to get married—and how to prevent it from happening to you, writes LewandowskiPhD
). The researchers conducted in-depth interviews with 30 heterosexual participants aged 18-48 who had done so. Importantly, the relationships that individuals described were generally long-term, serious relationships . Conducting semi-structured interviews allowed the researchers to more thoroughly explore individuals’ thought processes and reasoning, because participants were able to describe everything in their own words.
For the men, it was less about wedding planning and more about the engagement revealing incompatibilities that would be problematic going forward.
It also seemed like participants recognized the role of inertia and sought to find ways to slow the momentum toward. They mentioned the need to “figure some things out before… like maybe we just need to wait a little longer.” This often resulted in an on-again/off-again dynamic, where several women described trying to forgive transgressions and “fall back in love.” However, that didn’t work, leading them to ultimately decide to end things.
, conflict, growing apart, and abuse. Though many interviewees acknowledged that many problems had existed for a while and built up over time, they also noted a culminating event that precipitated the final break-up.Calling off a wedding is a big decision that few want to make, but that people clearly need to make on occasion.
Take the time to really evaluate the relationship so that you’re aware of potential red flags early on. Don’t get so wrapped up in falling in love that you’re
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