It can be hard to forgive. But forgiving someone actually has benefits for your mental health. The practice of radical forgiveness can help you process hurt and anger — and, ultimately, find peace. Here are some tips to get started. (nprlifekit)
Dissect the offending behavior and how it affects you. Spew it all out — the anger, the hurt, the bitterness — all the ugly, gory feelings you've been carrying inside you.While"traditional" forgiveness wants you to pretend you're not angry or hurt by someone's behavior, actual forgiveness begs that we honor all of these raw emotions.
Holub calls anger a"secondary emotion," one that guards our more vulnerable feelings, such as grief, fear, abandonment and disappointment. Don't be surprised if the exercise triggers memories of other times in life when you also felt abandoned, betrayed or similarly hurt, Holub says. Forgiveness work often uncovers behavior patterns that we don't see in ourselves — especially when we're blaming others for our pain.
That can lead to reconnections with forsaken loved ones. But, Holub says, beware that your ego may fight to maintain the destructive stories that create separation in our lives, like"My relationships never work out." Or,"I can't trust anybody!"
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