After a series of bad relationships, people may worry that they attract toxic partners. That may not be true, but they may accept behaviors others would see as red flags—and this could be why, explains Kaytee_Gillis
relationships, going in and out of dynamics that inevitably caused him pain. Like many, he wants to meet a healthy person, but he struggles to know how to get out of this pattern that holds him hostage.
Like many in the starry-eyed phase of a new relationship, Ezra claimed that there were no red flags that he noticed—at least not really. Yet a year later, with the end of the relationship crashing down upon him, he was able to recall things at the beginning that gave him pause. Yet, he excused them. An objective observer might be able to see some of the red flags that Ezra, and so many others, excuse or even ignore.
Not surprisingly, we learn certain behavior patterns and coping mechanisms during the developmental stages of life. And if those behavior patterns are unhealthy or dysfunctional, we then carry this with us into our adult relationships. Whether intended or not, the way we learn to interact with our caregivers is usually mimicked in our early relationships. If any of these interactions were dysfunctional, we could unknowingly carry on dysfunctional ways of engaging with the world.
Red flags can be difficult to spot if they mimic behaviors that were considered normal or acceptable in your family of origin. Going back to our early experiences gives us insight into our adult relationships. Since we frequently mimic patterns and experiences from our early caregivers and families, it is common to repeat these in our relationships. In other words, if we do not yet know that something is
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