Why do some of us react so strongly against being told what to do -- wearing a mask when we can't practice social distancing, for example? A clinical psychologist breaks down the gut reaction, and how to see past it:
You probably don’t like being told what to do -- me, neither. I don’t even like being asked to do something I was going to do anyway. When I was kid I hated it when my parents asked me to unload the dishwasher when I was already planning to do it. I wish I could say I’ve put childish ways behind me, but I still get a tightening in my gut when that kind of thing happens. Just the other night I got all bristly when my wife kindly asked me to be quieter since people were sleeping.
Our need for a sense of agency grows as we do. It really takes off around adolescence, as teens move toward adulthood. And for good reason. Autonomy is one of our Power also means control, and being told what to do can feel like we’re giving control to someone else. Resisting others’ requests or commands can be a way of reclaiming our power, even if it means acting against our own self-interest .For many of us, being told what to do takes us back to our childhood when our parents and teachers got to tell us what to do. We probably looked forward to growing up and being our own bosses. To be honest, I know this is a factor for me.
It’s that feeling in your stomach when your spouse says something that really irritates you. It’s the urge to squash social media posts from the other end of the political spectrum. It’s the kinship you feel toward fans of your sports teams, and the disgust you feel toward rival fans. It’s the determination you feel to get back at a driver who unfairly honked at you.
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