ST. LOUIS—Removing the item from her Amazon shopping cart, local server Melanie Avila confirmed Thursday that she was holding off on buying herself new headphones so her boyfriend can surprise her with a shittier pair for her birthday. “I have my eye on these really nice Bose noise-canceling Bluetooth headphones, but I figure I can hold out a few more weeks and let James gift me some cheapo imitation bullshit instead,” said Avila, 34, noting her plan is to immediately return the knockoffs and use the credit to buy what she really wants or simply wait for the cut-rate electronics to break so she can replace them. “I’ve been dropping hints like, ‘I really want these specific headphones,’ and, ‘Here’s a link to the headphones I like,’ but I know he’ll manage to find some off-brand wired earbuds with zero features at a mall kiosk. When I tear open the wrapping paper and discover he got me some junky JVC or Skullcandy garbage, I’ll tell him how much I love them and that they’re exactly what I wanted. Honestly, the best present of all would be if he remembers to get a gift receipt.” At press time, Avila was secretly delighted to inform her boyfriend that the fake AirPods came out of the box already busted.
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