'You Guys Just Wasted All Your F-kin' Money': Chris Rock Avoids Slapgate at Boston Shows

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'You Guys Just Wasted All Your F-kin' Money': Chris Rock Avoids Slapgate at Boston Shows
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Fans packed Boston’s Wilbur Theater Wednesday night, eager to see if comedian Chris Rock would address 'The Slap.' Spoiler alert: He didn't

Rock, however, has remained uncharacteristically silent on the matter — which is why the comic’s three-night, six-show stand in Boston has been greeted by the media with the same fanfare usually reserved for visiting heads of state. Ticket prices for Wednesday’s performances skyrocketed into the thousands of dollars on secondary sales sites. A phalanx of paparazzi sat perched for hours outside of the Ritz Carlton, where Rock was staying.

Indeed, after warmly receiving a standing ovation, Rock — resplendent in an all-white suit and basketball sneakers — explained to the rowdy, audibly inebriated 10 p.m. crowd that he was “still processing” what happened at the Oscars. “I have a comedy show I wrote before all this shit,” he said, confessing that, as far as he’s concerned, the worst thing that happened to him over the weekend was finding out his daughter didn’t get into the University of Southern California. And that was that.

Ticket holders wait to enter the Wilbur Theatre for a performance by Chris Rock, Wednesday, March 30, 2022, in Boston.“America’s done,” Rock repeated, punctuating his riffs with the phrase. “Closed for business.” He lamented that COVID-19 “wasn’t deadly enough” to unite this fraught and divided nation. In a moment of mock-nostalgia, he stated AIDS “took out a lot more A-Listers,” and was so scary he “wore a mask over his dick for 20 years.

A couple of riffs didn’t land, as rants about Hillary Clinton and the Kardashians feel exhausted in 2022. Rock seemed to have the most fun kidding around with the audience, asking how many had used fake vaccine cards to get into the show, before wondering aloud if, in 1956, people insisted it was their God-given right as Americans to contract polio.

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