Whether it’s a daily grind conversation about buying toilet paper or a high-stakes critical conversation such as buying a house, everything you say will hurt or help.
TweetShareShare Suppose you and your spouse are getting ready to buy your first home together. You sit down to talk through all the features that matter, and five minutes into the conversation, your spouse says, “Why in the world do you want four bedrooms? We don’t need them.”
The first words out of your mouth establish the tone and tenor of your conversations. Thoughtful responses reduce the other person’s fear, increase understanding, and help both people connect. They also vastly improve the odds that you’ll get what you want. Maybe you don’t need a fourth bedroom after all. Thoughtful conversation could lead you to that conclusion, where reactionary remarks will just make you fight even harder to “win.
Envy is a signal to you that you’re missing or wanting something that you are not getting. Perhaps you want more affirmation and praise for all of your hard work and efforts, or you’re feeling a little insecure and want to feel a stronger sense of self-worth. All relatable, all human.Option 1: React Experiencing a physical reaction in your body when you’re involved in a tough scenario or conversation is normal. Having your throat constrict or your chest tighten is a natural response.
To which everyone else starts thinking, “Ouch. Whoa. Down, boy. What just got triggered in you?” Your snarky response says far more about you than it does about your friend. What it’s saying is that you’re reacting primarily from a place of not getting what you want. Maybe you’re not feeling good about yourself. Maybe you’re not feeling worthy, respected, or affirmed.
You are capable of biting your tongue or counting to six so you can pause before you open your mouth. Your verbal response is your choice. It’s under your control. You can’t always control your emotional or physical reaction, but you can choose your words. By breaking the reactive flow, you can now respond out loud with a supportive comment, such as “Dude! Congrats! First round is on me!” and begin teaching yourself how to better deal with envy. With this response you are positively affirming your friend’s accomplishment, creating connection, and building a better relationship. Most likely, you’re also feeling better about yourself because you responded maturely and magnanimously.
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