Need to have a difficult talk with someone in your life? Here's what to do—and what not to do.
During a Big Talk, be sure to communicate purposefully; offer solutions and don't blame.
No matter what the purpose of the upcoming Big Talk, some things don’t change, and some communication strategies can almost always help. Here are seven basic ideas, elaborated where possible, about how to keep your difficult conversations open, clear, directed, and productive.Try to identify what you’re hoping to achieve before you begin. Perhaps you’d like to ask your spouse to stop teasing you in social situations.
Present your feelings as an unintended consequence that you’d like to avoid, and ask for their help in avoiding it. To do this, you may need to take note of your own feelings before you have the conversation. Try to detect any antagonism, or any eagerness to defend yourself; be aware of feeling angry at the other person. Before you meet, work out some ways to express these feelings in a neutral, non-blaming manner.
However, don't be redirected into an examination of your own faults either; keep the conversation focused on the issue you brought up in the first place. Listen to the other person when they criticize you and tell them you will be happy to talk about that later after you’ve sorted out the original issue.Describe the changes you’d like to make, rather than simply complaining about the problem you've noticed.
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