Writer is not sure whether to respond to an apology.
I was obviously devastated and extremely angry. Of course, the affair exposed fissures in my own marriage. My husband and I had a year of intense marriage counseling and worked through it. We’re doing great now. Derry had never apologized in any meaningful way until last week via email. A mutual friend also saw her last week and talked to her about it, so I was privy to some of her feelings for the first time.
Our mutual friend told me that Derry is in an enormous amount of pain over hurting me and cried through their whole conversation. In her email, Derry said it took her a year and a half to reach out to me because she wanted to have enough perspective to make a genuine apology. I believe this is true, and I know she deeply regrets the pain she caused.
I’m not sure it is within your power to grant absolution to this friend who has betrayed you so completely , but you can certainly forgive her, and it sounds as if you have. You can close the loop by replying to her email, acknowledging her apology and stating that you forgive her. I suggest you keep it short: “I want you to know that I believe your apology is genuine and that I have forgiven you. I hope that we can now all close this very challenging chapter of our lives.” You don’t say whether you want to engage in a dialogue and perhaps attempt to revive your friendship, but this is a decision you can make later on. No matter what, you should always protect your own feelings and interests by being completely honest and speaking your truth.
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