I’m here, taking care of our family, and she’s the one on a pedestal.
He always tells me that I’m the best thing that ever happened to him, but I can’t get past feeling like a second fiddle.
Do you think I’m being too sensitive about this? I’m not a jealous person, but I feel like he puts her on a pedestal. I’m the one who takes care of our family, and I feel like I deserve to be No. 1. What’s your take?My chief concern would be directed to your guy’s daughter, whom he seems to include in some of his musings about his late wife. Imagine being told at that tender age that your very existence is only the result of a tragedy that happened well before you were born.
This girl spent her life being parented by two troubled people who subjected her to repeated traumas. Thank goodness she has a stable and loving mother in her life, now.I agree with your instincts. Your man needs and deserves therapy in order to process the trauma of his first wife’s death, and all that has flowed from it.
In my opinion, you should not agree to marriage until he accepts therapy on his own and couple’s counseling with you.I often go to dinner with two other couples and their children. We take turns paying the bill.I am on a fixed income, and I think I should pay every fifth time, with each adult taking a turn. Dear J:Let’s say the two other couples have two children each. A couple that pays is paying for five people outside of their family unit.
I assume your dining group doesn’t have a problem doing things the way you have been. So – rock on. Your daughter’s “just desert” is on me.Stuck might suggest that he reassure his unaccepting daughter by telling her, “No one will ever replace my relationship with your Mom. I honored my marriage vow: ‘Til death do us part.’ And now I’m grateful to have a companion to share my life with.”
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