A parent who doesn’t “have time to shower” wants partner to spend his free time on their household, not on himself.
My partner is great at doing his fair share, or even more, of the three daily tasks: dishes, laundry and the kids’ bath time . He sucks at cleaning up after himself and the kids and all nondaily tasks. All the little things necessary to keep a household running fall on me, like play dates, haircuts, vet appointments, finances, calling service people, refilling paper towels. Also, we would never spend any time alone together if I didn’t plan it.
But if your husband has time in his day for TV-and-computering, and if some of your corners are cuttable — and if the advanced-degree timetable can stretch — then you can take some hobbies. And a shower, I swear.The magic bank from which you are withdrawing this personal time has three sources: 1. A shorter and more efficient household to-do list. 2. A longer schedule for non-urgent tasks. 3. A more balanced redelegation of responsibilities.
Then talk about who does and doesn’t mind each chore, what aligns with whose interests and talents, who is realistically available, who can knock them out while enjoying some pleasant something else, like music, TV, calls. Talk about things you can split: One of you schedules the vet/haircut/service appointments, the other follows through. Etc.understanding of what is fair: Distribute all the chores onto his-and-yours lists — and agree each of you is the CEO of each item.
And: Declare one night your date night, as soon as the CEO of sitter-finding finds the weekly sitter. Alternate weeks as the date planner.
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