What gives rise to jealousy—or compersion—in a polyamorous relationship?
When we evaluate someone’s good fortune in a way that conflicts with our evaluation of our own fortune , we can end up with emotions like envy and jealousy. At other times, the two evaluations meet, and we wind up with the emotions of sympathetic joy and admiration.
Unlike envy and jealousy, sympathetic joy and admiration involve a positive evaluation of the other’s good fortune. These emotions are present when someone is so close to us that we consider her success our own, and hence, it poses no threat to our self-esteem . This is known as “basking in reflected glory;” the other’s glory shines on us, enhancing our own self-esteem. We often see this in parental love and in the admiration of sports fans for their winning teams .
While there is no conceptual contradiction in compersion, there are various emotional obstacles in experiencing such happiness that more often generates jealousy than compersion. Here are a few features of polyamory that impact the emergence of jealousy or compersion.
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