There I was this morning, drinking my coffee and innocently reading the news, when I came across a Daily Beast headline featuring the words “very horny” and “Robert Pattinson” and “mermaid”—and I did what any normal person would do: I clicked. Which is how I learned, without really intending it, that Pattinson has a new film called The Lighthouse, and that it involves human-on-mermaid sex. Before I knew it, I was reading about the movie’s graphic depiction of “elaborate” mermaid genitalia—and then I was thinking about mer-vulvas and mer-dick and mer-sex and mer-babies.
that “the design of the mermaid’s” vulva, which was constructed from silicone, was “based on shark labias.”) George Parsons of the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago theorized that, in paraphrase, “mermaids and mermen would all have a slit, about halfway down their fin, from which they would release their eggs and sperm, respectively.” This theory may be scientifically sound, but I think we can all agree that fish sex is boring as shit.
For the mostly deeply considered, and graphic, renderings of mer-sex, one need not look any further than fantasy authors. Shira Anthony, who has written a series of books depicting romance between mermen, based her imaginings off of dolphin anatomy and mating dances. Sheof her mermen: “They nip playfully at each other, brush their lips against each other’s skin, and even use the sharp barbs at the end of their wrists to gently scrape at each other and arouse their mates.
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