'Never getting married would not be a life regret for me. Not trying to have my own child would be.'
I always assumed that once I made the decision to start a family, and put myself in the stirrups, that science and my body would just do their jobs. After all, I come from a long line of reproductively gifted people. My mom is one of 12, and my father is one of eight. Hell, I am the oldest of five. My family makes babies. That’s what we do. My mom once joked she could get pregnant sitting next to a man’s hat.
Suddenly I was 38. I wasn’t married, I didn’t have a partner and I also knew, more than anything, I wanted to have a kid. I was armed with my resolve and supported by my people. On the financial side, I wasn’t rich, but I was resourceful. Fertility care is not covered by insurance in Indiana, so I had to dip into my savings and take on a part-time job as an Uber driver to make treatment financially possible. With my support system and my small stash of cash, I was ready to face my battles with everything I had. What I wasn’t prepared for was a blood test that told me my fight might be over before it even began.
I was scared and shaken, but I was still eligible to compete. My doctor tried to build me back up with inspiring fertility slogans: “Quality not quantity” and “It only takes one.” I chose to suspend my disbelief and actively believe. Not because I was convinced, but because the alternative might break me.
One round of treatment in Indianapolis would cost me a fortune. I was still committed to becoming a mother, but after seven insemination attempts, I was starting to get the feeling that I was being priced out of a life I really wanted.
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