Why these moms decided to share their pregnancy losses on social media pregnancyandinfantlossawareness
, a disorder of the chromosomes that causes organs to develop abnormally. In Zachary’s case, it primarily affected his heart. “Our obstetrician told us that meant our baby wouldn’t survive,” says Cho, “and that if he did, it would be a question of how long he would live, not whether he could or not.”
She also didn’t want to face people’s judgment around choosing not to terminate. “Things like questioning whether we really understood his condition,” she says, “or whether we were ‘crazy’ Christians who lived with our heads buried in the ground.” Words like these feed into the shame parents can feel after a miscarriage or stillbirth: that they were unable to protect their child. They also dismiss the grief moms and dads could be experiencing.
On the positive side, Black was comforted by her social network, especially the responses she received from people she least expected to hear from, such as her husband’s coworkers and her soccer teammates. Many revealed their own pregnancy losses, which helped Black stop blaming herself. “With Facebook, you could be at work and get a notification that someone commented on your post… and it completely takes your breath away,” explains La Fontaine. “It’s out of context, you’re not in that frame of mind, you’re not ready to be having a conversation or hearing about it.”
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