Letter-writer found their birth mother’s family, but they want to keep their identity a secret.
Despite this, they say they don’t want anyone who might have known Janice to find out about my existence, because they believe that is what Janice would have wanted. I understand wanting to honor her wishes, but I DO exist, and the family’s wanting to keep me a secret makes me feel as if my birth is shameful.
You do need to understand, however, that your choice might have effects on your relationships with these family members you’ve recently formed friendships with. You are trying to piece together a long-ago story regarding two people you’ve never met. Your instincts are completely understandable, but even those people raised within birth families carry many questions. My point is that no one is guaranteed closure.So I urge patience. If time is closing in on you, then make your choice on a case-by-case basis — with full awareness of the possible consequences.I had a longtime friend who has had multiple affairs during her now 20-year marriage. Her husband has found out about each of them but, for whatever reason, chooses to stay with her.
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